When I am dressed up and feeling my look I am a virtually unstoppable, or at least in my own mind I am. There’s a spring in my step, every time I walk by a mirror in the run of my ridiculously busy day I have a little extra “Damn girl” look on my face, I sit up straighter, I speak more assertively. It’s my armour. It’s the way I get through my day. Everyone has a way that they cope with stress and this is my creative outlet: my look.
Now being a plus sized woman who knows her stuff when it comes to all things style, I have a tendency to turn a few heads, but not for the reasons you might think. At least twice a week or more, whether it be at work while chatting with a client or even with some of my dear friends the same conversation always ensues and it goes something like this:
“Wow, you are so stylish for a bigger girl”
“You carry your weight very well”,
Or my personal favorite: “You’re pretty hot for a bigger girl”.
Now these might sound like nice things to say, and yet every time I would hear it I feel: uneasy. When I was younger I used to think: “Hey Steph, what’s your problem? People are being nice to you, say thank you and be quiet”. But the time for quiet is no more. Now I am not saying I don’t appreciate all these well intentioned remarks, because I do, however the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
Saying that I am “Pretty for a bigger girl” you are essentially saying “Even though I know I am not supposed to find you attractive, I am making an exception to that rule for you”. I don’t feel special. I don’t feel flattered. Every time I hear this I smile graciously and walk away knowing that they don’t even realize what they’ve just said. The first time I noticed it was last year at a party with some close friends when someone I respect very much made a comment about how I was “Hot for a bigger girl”. That comment haunted me for days and days afterwards, until I had the “Ah-Ha Moment” that I needed to figure out what was bothering me. I wasn’t “hot for a bigger girl” I’m hot. HOT. No context. No apology. No explanation.
I had no idea the impact that the media had on our personal ideas of beauty and our thought processes surrounding it. It’s so heavy that it’s almost confusing to see someone who doesn’t fit the mold and find them desirable. We are so used to someone telling us what to consider beautiful that we’ve stopped thinking about what WE find beautiful.
Beyonce wasn’t built over night, and neither was I. For twenty years I hated my body. I made the decision two years ago that come Hell or High water I was going to find a better way of existing then spending all my time trying to look like someone else. As a result some wonderful things have happened I treat myself nicer, I take care of my mind and body, and I know the value of self care. I stopped worrying about my size and started worrying about my wellness. When you take care of yourself it shows. Friends want to be around you, you start finding more direction, you have more energy, more ambition, and if you’re as lucky as I am you’ll find the love of your life along the way. But I guarantee you my friends none of this is possible until you make the decision to LOVE yourself... even if you’re ‘Pretty for a Fat girl’.
In the spirit of loving ones self- this outfit is styled with some of my favorite pieces new and old designed solely to make me feel like a goddess for an evening. No apology.
This red mini skirt is super stretchy and comfortable; it’s been in my closet for about 6 years now and was originally purchased at Forever21 for $19.99- needless to say it doesn’t owe me a thing. My caged bralette is my new obsession, as a heavily busted lady its difficult for me to find bra items that fit properly and this one is a dream as much as I would love to share this great find with you ladies it is unfortunately sold out! However it was purchased from Forever21 as well.
This printed Kimino is new from the Spring 2016 Penningtons collection and can be found here:
http://www.penningtons.com/en/short-dolman-sleeve-printed-kimono/750232.html?cgid=Apparel-Tops&dwvar_750232_color=White#sz=12&start=37
Fredtown Fashionista
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