There’s something important I want to talk to you all about today, but before we can dive in I need to give you a little background. A couple of weeks ago on a Saturday night my good friend Charles said to me, “Let’s go on an adventure tomorrow!”
This is exactly what I wanted to hear, I had been feeling a little uninspired lately, maybe even a bit down and an adventure with an old friend sounded like just the ticket to feeling a little more like myself. So we chat for a little bit and decide to go somewhere I had never been before- Dunbar Falls. Waterfall adventure? Umm yes please, where do I sign up?
So fast forward to Sunday morning and I start looking around for a swimsuit, I had just moved into a new apartment and ALL of my clothes are packed up in boxes. I tore the place apart for roughly 90 minutes frantically looking for any bathing suit at all. I came up empty. Frustrated and a little heartbroken I picked up my phone to text Charles and say “Sorry I can’t find a bathing suit, no adventure for me today”. As I was typing the message I stopped, and realized I was falling into an old habit, a negative one.
As someone who has been on the plus side of clothing most of my life not having a bathing suit always meant- no swimming. I felt like that sad little 10 year old who didn’t fit into last summer’s suit, and missed out on lake adventures until the faithful day that Sears would call and deliver me the ugliest most conservative bathing suit my poor mother could find in my size (selection wasn’t exactly at an all time high back in the 90’s for chubby girls). So I had to ask myself a couple of difficult questions, why did I NEED a bathing suit? Can you not go swimming in any article of clothing you choose? Are you not a grown ass woman who does what she wants? I was left standing in the bedroom speechless, how could something as silly as not having a bathing suit stop me from going on a much needed afternoon getaway? Well it didn’t. Instead I grabbed my favorite caged bralette and a pair of microfiber black underwear, pants, towel and away we went!
Now I am by no means an “outdoorsy” kind of person, (unless you count patio drinks as an outdoor activity, which I do), and Charles knew this but I had committed to our mission to see this glorious waterfall. We started out on our walk down the trail and then things got hairy, there are sections that are washed out with rocks and fallen trees, and even one section where you have to climb. I was almost in tears all I could think was “I can’t do this”, and “I’ve never done anything like this before I’ll break my neck”. I started sharing my concerns with Charles and to my horror he completely ignored me and just kept saying “You can do it!” What a little cheerleader- but not what I wanted at the time.
We finally arrived at the falls after about 30 minutes of hiking. It was beautiful, so peaceful, and t was HOT about 33 degrees that faithful Sunday afternoon. As soon as we got there we sat down for a little rest and had a chat. Charles asked me “Why are you so anxious about the walk back?” and I said without thinking “Because I don’t think I can do it”. He smiled at me and said “But look, you’re here. You’ve already done it!”
Holy crap.
He was right. I had done it. I hiked through the woods without injury in my underwear and I was about to swim in the falls.
Now I know this story might seem like nothing to the average listener. So what you went to a waterfall?
This is what I need to share with you my friends. I learned something huge about myself that day- no matter how far I have come on my journey to being body positive, there will always be new obstacles, and new things to overcome. There will always be old deep rooted fears that are so routine it won’t even occur to me to question them. I never imagined that there was this little sector of my subconscious holding me back from truly enjoying my life. I never imagined that being a fat girl I could keep up with my friends. All I could think of was that wheezing chubby asthmatic kid who couldn’t keep up with the rest of the gym class, but she’s gone now. I am presently in the best shape of my life, I can walk, hike, travel in groups, and have no trouble keeping up the pace and breathing fine; but until this little trip I didn’t know that about myself. This waterfall gave me more than a cool place to hang out on a hot afternoon, it allowed me to surprise myself, and surpass even my own expectations of what my body was capable of.
We see countless PSA’s telling us to love ourselves, and Body Positivity campaigns. We see bloggers and life coaches telling us we are beautiful and we are enough. We talk talk talk, but do we act? This is a call to action. I challenge you to do something new, and you just might surprise yourself. For me it was wearing my underwear just so I didn’t miss out, and going on a hike and keeping up step for step with someone much more fit than I. Was it scary? You bet it was. Did I have fun? Not at first. Would I do it again? I would go right now if I could.
I can’t believe what a profound experience this was for my journey of self love, and I hope that this inspires even just one person to try something new and find another little thing to love about you. Because you can do it and you can live your best life right now- not when you lose 25lbs, not when you get that promotion, not when you get that new apartment, RIGHT NOW. Happiness and personal accomplishments cost you nothing but time.
Surround yourself with people who value you, and value your personal accomplishments but most importantly make sure YOU are one of the people who love you.
Until we meet again my loves!
Xo
Steph
